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dont forgate about our society rules in India.
It may be possible that u r from a big city.
but for small towns and villeges
all people knows each other very well
so they watch and know each others activities.
In this case if a marrige proposal of a boy/girl is cancelled
then it will very problamistic for then(especially for girl) to refind her/his partner.
and as we know life parterns are decided by parents (In India)
so sexual relation before marrige create problem
according to this situation
if the male and female in a relationship are sure that they have met their lifepartners..no probs in havin sex...its jst expressin love n feelin love Sex will only strengten a relationship which is already based on trust.
Hi Sunil
I have gone through all your replies and I am impressed by the depth of knowledge and understanding you have about marriage issues though you are not married.
But its really appreciable job you are doing guiding people wiht their queries and I am no different than them.
Nowadays I am going through lots dilemma regarding my marriage.
here is a brief idea of my problem:
Actually I am engaged, its an arranged , this proposal was found through matrimonial website.
every thing seemed to work fine to finally we got engaged.
its almost 45 days from now.
I am student abroad and he work sin india.
my problem is when i was in india he use to call me and talk to me , we also met once.
but after i came here i did called him and his family , everything was nice.
but somewhere i felt he is gettig away from me and the reason which made me feel this is that he never ever called me after i came here neither he tries to contact me through internet no mails no chat.
he is opposite to me in nature though he is quite reserved person.
but i think however reserved person he is , he should atleast care to mail me to find out how i am doing . i mean i feel that he is least bothered of me.
then i got many negative thoughts like if he is really interested in me or he is just doing it for the sake of family.
But I am very scared because i think before marriage i should know the person very well. But i am not getting chance. due ot lack of communication.
I did treid to find out the reasonfrom him, whenever i called him and asked him about the reason , he said he is very busy wit his work load , preparetion of certain exams simulatneously and stuffm that he just cant htink about me and cant communicate me.
he said he thinks about one thing at a time.
but he does meet his freinds evevry weekend. I just wonder dont he ever for a moment think about me, afterall i am his fiancee , i am ready to adjust compromise and adjust with him. But it is possibel only when i completely undertsand him and how can i undertsand him without talking ot him.
Our marriage is almost nearby 4-5 motnhs due.
But all i am scared is he really true to me and will he keep me happy after marriage. all its just a marriage business he is doing for the sake of doing it.
Please Sunil and other friends if you all can suggest me soemhting genuine thne pls do it.
Because every time i thinkg of it , and it make sme feel very bad and insecure coz its question of whole life and not few days.
I did tried my best to get answer form him direcltly but all i got the answerf rom him is hav etrust in me, i am really happy with this relation and that he is very bsuy with upgrading his career.
will wait for ur replies friends.
Rajini.
but
See when boy is engaged with any gal for marriage or marry any gal he becomes some what casual about that girl coz he thinks, now she is booked for him for whole life ..
As gal is booked for him he will make less call and will not spend more money in calling her & gal will think he is not despo guy for her. Some time boy are career oriented like me who can forget family friend and every one for their ambition, but when they full fill there ambition they need some one to share their win at that time they expect their love, wife family member with them….
Rajini One more thing I want to say, specially for your case I don’t know what profession u are in but if you and your fiancé are in same profession then he is trying to be as good as you… this is very critical … here ego can come…
You said he should care to mail me.. Well if he is not messaging u through phone or calling you then he should defiantly mail you… see guys those who are less romantic get hurt easily. I can say in most of cases if guy is in love or engaged he will go mad for her fiancée he will call gal in every 1 hour… but some time male think that if he will call gal then gal family will think that family of boys are more interested in marriage,,,, but actually both the party are in need… its also a matter of ego.
Rajini this may also possible that your fiancé is to busy with his study and he need some more time for studies but for love … 1 full day is also less ….
I think your fiancé is in doubt that he did right thing by doing engagement with you or not...hope this may be wrong... But it will be better if you ask him that do he love u or its just compromise he is trying to do with you. Tell him I am not able to find you romantic & possessive for me. Tell him that I don’t know how I will fight with you.
Rajini try to know what he expects from you. The day you will find what he expecting from you, you can understand that is he suitable for you or not, you are ready to adjust & compromise with him. But it is possible only when you completely understand him and you can understand him by talking to him & knowing his expectation… so better ask him those entire things what I had said…
See some boys do have gal friend in past they become very casual in matter of love, don’t have that much intensity for it.
There are some other things to consider in your case
[1] Your family background
[2] Profession of your fiancé and yours
[3] Probably he may be miser don’t want to waste money by calling you as you are already booked for him…. etc. The information that you had given is very less so difficult to come on any solid conclusion.
Rajini don’t expect him lover after marriage … your fiancé is an Indian Male ….. Every one can’t be like me;.. just kidding.....
Any ways I do have eyes of god …..So i know love and arrange marriage both are based on calculation now a days & every one need best.
Money is for me I am not for money...
Its me your friend Sunilkumar
"Situation have way of changing Don’t expect help. Help yourself. The day you help yourself, it’s your First step to success."
Fight on my dear self, fight on. Life is a struggle, do not shirk struggle Enjoy the sweetness of life but do not stop struggle, Fight on my dear self Do not entertain fear for fear is death. The world will frighten you but fight on, dear self fight on.............
dear the first step you have taken that you are giving proper time to this thought,and of cause the very simple and you know that make a healthy and loyal with full of faith relation with your wife.you will be happy. best wishes
I think there are lots of things to cope with when a girl goes to her inlaw's house for the first day. There are lots of things that have to be kept in mind. Give due respect to your elders. Give a proper hearing to your partner's views. He can guide you to understand the views of family members in a more precise manner.
After the marriage, things change a lot for a boy and girl. They need some mutual adjustment and understanding.
O Try not to go into a fight. Solve conflicts peacefully. THink of your partner's point of view. Give her gifts. Take her out. Make her happy. Give what she wants.
I think that is enough to make your partner happy and give her more time.
I think compassion for each other comes when there is love and respect for each other.If it is not there it is better to seperate.
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