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Can You Get An "Ex-Girlfriend" Back?
Dear Dark
I am a subscriber to your newsletter, and will
soon download your e-book and/or your CD.
I like what you write and I already learned a lot,
I believe. But lately you were dealing with a
subject intriguing me more than others: why do
women leave men. Which triggered my question.
Here it comes:
Last year I was dating a woman for several months,
in fact it was beyond dating already, we were
close to a committed relationship. And we had
pleasure and fun together, great sex and
everything. Then all of a sudden she decided that
it was not "that", she left and went back to her
former guy, a jerk who doesn't treat her even
remotely as well as I did. Now from your
newsletter I conclude that this was precisely the
problem. At the beginning I had acted well (even
without having your newsletters then), she was
chasing me, not the other way round, and I
instinctively did it right, played the "hard to
get" and let her run hot. No wonder she was wild
on me when we finally hit off. But then I must
have changed my behaviour and started acting like
a WUSSY. (By the way, what does WUSSY really mean,
i.e. the word itself, I am not a native English
speaker, I just understand that it is undesirable
with women). And consequently she lost interest
and attraction for me. But strangely enough ever
since then she keeps in contact with me, emailing,
phoning, writing that she is missing me, says she
wants to keep me as a friend and so on.
Now the real questions:
1. How do you interpret her behaviour? Is she
still interested somehow or what?
2. Is there - according your experience - any
realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger
again her interest and attraction?
I should add that I am not sure that I really want
her back, in fact rather not, but it would
certainly be nice to get her to that stage again,
so I could then decide in control of the situation
as in the beginning.
Thanx for any comments of yours
A.H. Zurich, Switzerland
>>>MY COMMENTS:
So let's start with the definition of the word
WUSSY...
This word is a combination of the words "Wimp"
and another word that starts with P, has a next
letter of U, then two of the letter S and finally
a letter Y.
In other words, a Wussy (or Wuss), is a guy who
tends to behave in a wimpish, submissive, needy,
way.
The opposite of a Wussy is Maximus during his
first arena fight scene in the movie Gladiator.
The problem with being a Wussy is that women
are NOT ATTRACTED TO WEAKNESS... and thus, they
are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.
Never.
Ever.
Ever.
A woman might MARRY a Wussy because he's either
the best she can get, has a lot of money, has
courted her for so many years that she finally
gives in, or whatever...
But she'll never feel ATTRACTION for him.
Women don't CHOOSE who they feel ATTRACTION
for, and they don't choose the emotions that they
feel either.
It just HAPPENS. Bam!
One problem that a lot of guys have to face is
TURNING INTO a Wussy over time...
When you start off on the right foot, then
gradually turn into a Wuss over time with a woman,
that emotion called ATTRACTION starts to go away
inside of her.
A woman will tell her friends "I don't know
what it is...but for some reason lately he's just
annoying to be around." etc.
It BOTHERS and ANGERS women when a man that's
interested in them acts like a WUSSY. In many
women it actually triggers these emotions just
like dominant behavior triggers ATTRACTION.
Of course, the worse things get, and the more
annoyed a woman becomes, the more like a total
WUSSBAG most guys act.
It's one of those "vicious cycles" that usually
ends with the woman leaving and the guy sitting
there wondering what he did wrong... and him
thinking that maybe, if he had just been able to
tell her just how much he loved her, that she
would not have left him for that other abusive
jerk.
OK, so let's talk about your specific
questions:
1. "How do you interpret her behaviour? Is she
still interested somehow or what?"
I interpret her behavior as NATURAL and VERY,
VERY PREDICTABLE.
If you do it again in the future, the same
thing will probably happen.
Is she still interested?
Yes, she is.
But not in anything more than being your
FRIEND.
You have, with your actions and communication,
KILLED the ATTRACTION that she felt for you.
This is something you're going to have to deal
with and take responsibility for.
You turned into a Wuss, and now you're paying
the price.
You have to come to terms with your Inner Wuss
before improvement can begin.
2. "Is there - according your experience - any
realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger
again her interest and attraction?"
Well, this is a sticky question.
There is a CHANCE, yes.
But here's the problem. Probably 90% of the
time when I tell a guy exactly what to do in order
to get a girl back, he screws it up... doesn't do
it exactly the way I say, etc.
And, of course, he makes things worse in the
process.
Here's the problem:
Focusing on getting her back will not only
lessen the chances, but it will keep you from
moving on in your life.
The best thing for you to do is MOVE ON in your
life.
Ironically, the way to give yourself the best
chances of getting her back is to NOT TRY...
instead, go date other women, and be scarce in her
life.
In other words, you're never going to make her
feel any ATTRACTION for you again by staying in
touch, being her friend, and being "nice"... and
by trying to "win her over" again.
It would be nice if things worked that way, but
they don't.
Now, why do guys chase women, and keep doing
the WRONG things... even after a woman has left?
In our dealings with women, us guys tend to
think things like "That's not fair" and "I did all
the right things" and to feel self-righteous
because we're the good guy... but miss the point
and not get the RESULTS we want.
Remember, though...
Attraction isn't FAIR, it isn't "right", it
doesn't care how "nice" you are. Attraction can be
cruel and painful sometimes.
You know, the irony of your situation is that
this girl was probably just as bummed-out as you
were about this whole thing happening.
Women HATE it when guys turn into Wussies.
I know, I know... she did things that made you
turn into more and more of a Wuss. It's her fault
too... right?
Wrong.
Women do this stuff to TEST you.
They're not actually TRYING to turn you into a
Wuss. But if you DO turn into a Wuss, she realizes
that she can't trust you to be a man, and she has
to go.
Now, she's not doing this to hurt you, she's
only doing it because she wasn't getting the
feelings that she wanted with you... and now she's
getting them with Jerk-Boy.
THE SOLUTION...
As I mentioned, your best bet in this situation
is to MOVE ON. Get on with it.
Most importantly, start dating OTHER WOMEN
IMMEDIATELY.
Not in a few days, and not next week. NOW.
And stop calling your ex. Stop responding to
her quickly. Stop being her WUSS-FRIEND.
It's obvious that the LAST thing you want is to
wind up "just being friends" with her... so STOP
DOING IT.
Next time she calls, tell her you have a date
over at the house, or you're leaving to meet a
woman. Of course, make sure IT'S TRUE, like I
said.
Stop being so AVAILABLE.
Get busy enjoying your life.
Get busy dating other women.
If you find yourself thinking about her and
wanting to hear her voice, BITCH-SLAP yourself. If
you're feeling weak, have a friend do it.
And when you do wind up talking to her, say the
following:
"Hey, calling for more therapy? No-can-do... I
have to run to the gym to get in shape for my hot
date on Friday..."
You feel me, dog?
And remember...
In this world, "I was a nice guy and did nice
things for her" doesn't cut it. Attraction has a
totally different set of rules... and exceptions.
And if you want to get and keep an attractive
woman, then you'd better learn them.
It's a skill, and you're not going to get it by
being "nice" and doing everything your mom taught
you...
If a woman feels ATTRACTION for a man, she'll
do almost anything to stay with him. If she
DOESN'T feel it, then the chances are slim that
she'll stay around.
These rules are even MORE TRUE when you're
dealing with an ATTRACTIVE woman who gets a lot of
attention from guys.
The irony of this situation is that I think
it's a lot easier to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
than it is to be a Wuss who chases after her, buys
her things, and annoys the hell out of her.
I spent a lot of years of my life being a Wuss.
I made all the classic mistakes.
I should probably be awarded an honorary degree
in the subject, actually.
But over the last several years I've not only
learned how to cure myself and evict my Inner
Wuss... I've also learned how to make women feel
ATTRACTION with my body language and communication
alone.
I only wish someone would have shown me this
stuff fifteen years ago...
If you're reading this right now and it's time
that you evicted your inner Wussy, and learned how
to make women feel ATTRACTION for you without
chasing them, buying them things, and giving all
of your power away, then listen up...
THE TIME IS NOW.
This stuff isn't going to fix itself.
And you know by now that more of the same is
only going to get you more of the same.
If you need a WORLD-CLASS de-Wuss-ification,
then you need my industrial-strength solution...
Dear Dark
I am a subscriber to your newsletter, and will
soon download your e-book and/or your CD.
I like what you write and I already learned a lot,
I believe. But lately you were dealing with a
subject intriguing me more than others: why do
women leave men. Which triggered my question.
Here it comes:
Last year I was dating a woman for several months,
in fact it was beyond dating already, we were
close to a committed relationship. And we had
pleasure and fun together, great sex and
everything. Then all of a sudden she decided that
it was not "that", she left and went back to her
former guy, a jerk who doesn't treat her even
remotely as well as I did. Now from your
newsletter I conclude that this was precisely the
problem. At the beginning I had acted well (even
without having your newsletters then), she was
chasing me, not the other way round, and I
instinctively did it right, played the "hard to
get" and let her run hot. No wonder she was wild
on me when we finally hit off. But then I must
have changed my behaviour and started acting like
a WUSSY. (By the way, what does WUSSY really mean,
i.e. the word itself, I am not a native English
speaker, I just understand that it is undesirable
with women). And consequently she lost interest
and attraction for me. But strangely enough ever
since then she keeps in contact with me, emailing,
phoning, writing that she is missing me, says she
wants to keep me as a friend and so on.
Now the real questions:
1. How do you interpret her behaviour? Is she
still interested somehow or what?
2. Is there - according your experience - any
realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger
again her interest and attraction?
I should add that I am not sure that I really want
her back, in fact rather not, but it would
certainly be nice to get her to that stage again,
so I could then decide in control of the situation
as in the beginning.
Thanx for any comments of yours
A.H. Zurich, Switzerland
>>>MY COMMENTS:
So let's start with the definition of the word
WUSSY...
This word is a combination of the words "Wimp"
and another word that starts with P, has a next
letter of U, then two of the letter S and finally
a letter Y.
In other words, a Wussy (or Wuss), is a guy who
tends to behave in a wimpish, submissive, needy,
way.
The opposite of a Wussy is Maximus during his
first arena fight scene in the movie Gladiator.
The problem with being a Wussy is that women
are NOT ATTRACTED TO WEAKNESS... and thus, they
are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.
Never.
Ever.
Ever.
A woman might MARRY a Wussy because he's either
the best she can get, has a lot of money, has
courted her for so many years that she finally
gives in, or whatever...
But she'll never feel ATTRACTION for him.
Women don't CHOOSE who they feel ATTRACTION
for, and they don't choose the emotions that they
feel either.
It just HAPPENS. Bam!
One problem that a lot of guys have to face is
TURNING INTO a Wussy over time...
When you start off on the right foot, then
gradually turn into a Wuss over time with a woman,
that emotion called ATTRACTION starts to go away
inside of her.
A woman will tell her friends "I don't know
what it is...but for some reason lately he's just
annoying to be around." etc.
It BOTHERS and ANGERS women when a man that's
interested in them acts like a WUSSY. In many
women it actually triggers these emotions just
like dominant behavior triggers ATTRACTION.
Of course, the worse things get, and the more
annoyed a woman becomes, the more like a total
WUSSBAG most guys act.
It's one of those "vicious cycles" that usually
ends with the woman leaving and the guy sitting
there wondering what he did wrong... and him
thinking that maybe, if he had just been able to
tell her just how much he loved her, that she
would not have left him for that other abusive
jerk.
OK, so let's talk about your specific
questions:
1. "How do you interpret her behaviour? Is she
still interested somehow or what?"
I interpret her behavior as NATURAL and VERY,
VERY PREDICTABLE.
If you do it again in the future, the same
thing will probably happen.
Is she still interested?
Yes, she is.
But not in anything more than being your
FRIEND.
You have, with your actions and communication,
KILLED the ATTRACTION that she felt for you.
This is something you're going to have to deal
with and take responsibility for.
You turned into a Wuss, and now you're paying
the price.
You have to come to terms with your Inner Wuss
before improvement can begin.
2. "Is there - according your experience - any
realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger
again her interest and attraction?"
Well, this is a sticky question.
There is a CHANCE, yes.
But here's the problem. Probably 90% of the
time when I tell a guy exactly what to do in order
to get a girl back, he screws it up... doesn't do
it exactly the way I say, etc.
And, of course, he makes things worse in the
process.
Here's the problem:
Focusing on getting her back will not only
lessen the chances, but it will keep you from
moving on in your life.
The best thing for you to do is MOVE ON in your
life.
Ironically, the way to give yourself the best
chances of getting her back is to NOT TRY...
instead, go date other women, and be scarce in her
life.
In other words, you're never going to make her
feel any ATTRACTION for you again by staying in
touch, being her friend, and being "nice"... and
by trying to "win her over" again.
It would be nice if things worked that way, but
they don't.
Now, why do guys chase women, and keep doing
the WRONG things... even after a woman has left?
In our dealings with women, us guys tend to
think things like "That's not fair" and "I did all
the right things" and to feel self-righteous
because we're the good guy... but miss the point
and not get the RESULTS we want.
Remember, though...
Attraction isn't FAIR, it isn't "right", it
doesn't care how "nice" you are. Attraction can be
cruel and painful sometimes.
You know, the irony of your situation is that
this girl was probably just as bummed-out as you
were about this whole thing happening.
Women HATE it when guys turn into Wussies.
I know, I know... she did things that made you
turn into more and more of a Wuss. It's her fault
too... right?
Wrong.
Women do this stuff to TEST you.
They're not actually TRYING to turn you into a
Wuss. But if you DO turn into a Wuss, she realizes
that she can't trust you to be a man, and she has
to go.
Now, she's not doing this to hurt you, she's
only doing it because she wasn't getting the
feelings that she wanted with you... and now she's
getting them with Jerk-Boy.
THE SOLUTION...
As I mentioned, your best bet in this situation
is to MOVE ON. Get on with it.
Most importantly, start dating OTHER WOMEN
IMMEDIATELY.
Not in a few days, and not next week. NOW.
And stop calling your ex. Stop responding to
her quickly. Stop being her WUSS-FRIEND.
It's obvious that the LAST thing you want is to
wind up "just being friends" with her... so STOP
DOING IT.
Next time she calls, tell her you have a date
over at the house, or you're leaving to meet a
woman. Of course, make sure IT'S TRUE, like I
said.
Stop being so AVAILABLE.
Get busy enjoying your life.
Get busy dating other women.
If you find yourself thinking about her and
wanting to hear her voice, BITCH-SLAP yourself. If
you're feeling weak, have a friend do it.
And when you do wind up talking to her, say the
following:
"Hey, calling for more therapy? No-can-do... I
have to run to the gym to get in shape for my hot
date on Friday..."
You feel me, dog?
And remember...
In this world, "I was a nice guy and did nice
things for her" doesn't cut it. Attraction has a
totally different set of rules... and exceptions.
And if you want to get and keep an attractive
woman, then you'd better learn them.
It's a skill, and you're not going to get it by
being "nice" and doing everything your mom taught
you...
If a woman feels ATTRACTION for a man, she'll
do almost anything to stay with him. If she
DOESN'T feel it, then the chances are slim that
she'll stay around.
These rules are even MORE TRUE when you're
dealing with an ATTRACTIVE woman who gets a lot of
attention from guys.
The irony of this situation is that I think
it's a lot easier to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
than it is to be a Wuss who chases after her, buys
her things, and annoys the hell out of her.
I spent a lot of years of my life being a Wuss.
I made all the classic mistakes.
I should probably be awarded an honorary degree
in the subject, actually.
But over the last several years I've not only
learned how to cure myself and evict my Inner
Wuss... I've also learned how to make women feel
ATTRACTION with my body language and communication
alone.
I only wish someone would have shown me this
stuff fifteen years ago...
If you're reading this right now and it's time
that you evicted your inner Wussy, and learned how
to make women feel ATTRACTION for you without
chasing them, buying them things, and giving all
of your power away, then listen up...
THE TIME IS NOW.
This stuff isn't going to fix itself.
And you know by now that more of the same is
only going to get you more of the same.
If you need a WORLD-CLASS de-Wuss-ification,
then you need my industrial-strength solution...