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  • Marriage Problem

    Friends I really have a big problem and i need your advice.
    I am having a girlfriend for the last 4 years and we love each other very much. After one year we told about this to our parents and they accepted it. That time we were students, so they told that they'll fix marriage later. Before one month the great day arrived. Our parents sat together and talked and were going to fix it. But as the topic of money ( no dowry ) came into the talk, my girlfriends dad began querreling about silly silly things. This querreling went over to a fight with words between our parents and ended finally with no end. After that my parents went on informing about her family and got to know very bad things. So that he's a fraud and that he's not such a nice man as he shows of and etc. etc. .. Now both families are against this marriage. My parents are thinking that her family especially her dad will destroy me in the matter of money and that he's just behind our money. I really don't know what to do. On one side there is my girlfriend, whom i love very much, and on the other side there are my parents, whom i also love very much. I can't decide which way to choose. But one thing is sure. i will loose somebody, either my girlfriend or my parents. My parents are saying, if i marry without family there will be just temporary happiness. I know that they always wanted the best for me, but my girlfriend is also very nice
    Dear friends, please help me in deciding

  • #2
    First of all ask yourself.... Can you leave your parent for your girl friend?
    Secondly ask your girl friend Can she leave his parent for you?

    If she cannot leave his parent for you then you should not leave your parent...In this circumstances you must Prefer Parent rather than girl friend. If your girl friend really loves you than she can leave his parent for you... ultimately girls have to live with his husband.

    If She can leave his parent for you and you can leave your parent for her than you must be self dependent, note: - she may or may not be self-dependent but if she is also self dependent than it will be good & after few year down the line..When you will have kid your parent will accept your girl friend as your wife & daughter in law...

    Tell your girl friend that you will not going to stay with your parent and you don’t need money of your parent, so don’t expect any financial help from my parent for me or you we both have to start our life from base & if you are ready to hold my hand in this circumstance than we will not care for our parent....

    Remember one thing we cannot satisfy every one in our life, & person who tries to do that... (I.e. satisfy everyone) at last they become sadist.

    I know..... Some thing are made to be broken ... that is heart ...

    Its me Socrates Sunilkumar

    SAY NO TO DRUGS
    Last edited by sunilkumar; 01-23-2006, 02:30 PM.
    "Situation have way of changing Don’t expect help. Help yourself. The day you help yourself, it’s your First step to success."

    Fight on my dear self, fight on. Life is a struggle, do not shirk struggle Enjoy the sweetness of life but do not stop struggle, Fight on my dear self Do not entertain fear for fear is death. The world will frighten you but fight on, dear self fight on.............

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    • #3
      Really your problem is too tough.What we can do is just some suggestions but from your side it would be really difficult to take any decision.
      In my openion firstly try to break the differences between your parents and her parents,and then try to know what the girl wants,is she also believe in you and or has same feelings for you as you have for her?
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      • #4
        i think you should first talk to her parents den yours and try to solve misunderstanding between parents... an im sure dat u think girl is very nice n she'll marry you as far as she love u right... so tell ur parents dat.. u love dem too as well u love dat gurl... n in dis fight they won't get anything... n may be u'll lose my girlfriend or either them but u won't be happy with dat because u want both.. if u wanted to leave them den why would you talked to your parents about your marriage you both can have dun it but you want their permission you want them to except da marriage as far you want to be happy from both side n want to gain both love ... parents love n also your girlfriend love.. by doing dis or by you gettin married with other girl would make you unhappy n might spoil the happiness of the gurl whom u don't want to get married with n tell ur dad to put himself in ur situtaion... might dis help ma firend try to explain with deep feelings.. i know your parents love you n dis problem will solve soon don't worrie
        Yudi Rockss...

        Dil ka deewana pan Kehta hai ye sajan kadmo mein aapke luta tu apni jaan...
        Jaan humhari ho Jaan Se bhi pyari ho aapke pyar ki to Dil mein hai Jaga....

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        • #5
          i think you need some serious professional counselling....

          this is a very sensitive issue and more important its a matter of a lifetime...

          take it easy...
          everything is gonna be fine...

          Comment


          • #6
            I don't think this as a serious issue ... What ever i had sugested in my earlier post on this issue was very professional....

            Arey Bhai ....Miya Biwi Razi tho kya karega kazi....?
            "Situation have way of changing Don’t expect help. Help yourself. The day you help yourself, it’s your First step to success."

            Fight on my dear self, fight on. Life is a struggle, do not shirk struggle Enjoy the sweetness of life but do not stop struggle, Fight on my dear self Do not entertain fear for fear is death. The world will frighten you but fight on, dear self fight on.............

            Comment


            • #7
              Sunil whatever u suggested is lil confusing as well as seems to be the suggestion given without thinking !

              i like the reply of "beautyspot5in4".
              However no matter whatever we suggest,things r lil difficult to judge from this end.But again i feel its only the boy who can finally resolve the matter.
              And the good begining would be to start from the girl's parents!!

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              • #8
                Renu When people fall in love they ask their parent ... ? ..

                So if they fall in love then they must have guts to go against all odds, why boy should talk first to girls father? .... better girls should talk to his parent and boy should talk his own parent.. if they are ready then it is cool... otherwise go against all odds marry each other.... No parent is going to kill their child ....

                What i had said suggested was practical positive solution... if two Adult self dependent people(i.e. Boy and Girl) are ready to marry each other then such issue are not big....
                "Situation have way of changing Don’t expect help. Help yourself. The day you help yourself, it’s your First step to success."

                Fight on my dear self, fight on. Life is a struggle, do not shirk struggle Enjoy the sweetness of life but do not stop struggle, Fight on my dear self Do not entertain fear for fear is death. The world will frighten you but fight on, dear self fight on.............

                Comment


                • #9
                  Renu <=== Men always resolve the matter and women always create new matter for them..
                  Look Does Matter..........!!!!!!!!!!

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                  • #10
                    Sunil....ofcourse love is not done thru permissions.....but whats wrong if we give atleast one chance to our elders.....

                    i do agree to finally go on our own way once things doesn't settles....
                    but atleast we wont feel the guilt that we never tried.
                    why then to think ...whether who should start first the girl or the boy!

                    And PLAYBOY2......if there were no women to create problems u men woudn't have become so smart in solving them.WE make u smart!

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                    • #11
                      Renu If you will study the first post .. i mean to say whole matter posted by brownsuger you will know.....

                      They had given chance to their parent but things got worst...

                      Renu by saying this ==> PLAYBOY2......if there were no women to create problems u men woudn't have become so smart in solving them.WE make u smart!..
                      You mean to say that female are more smart so they make man smart..

                      I will say smart people never create problem and if problem is created they solve that problem....
                      "Situation have way of changing Don’t expect help. Help yourself. The day you help yourself, it’s your First step to success."

                      Fight on my dear self, fight on. Life is a struggle, do not shirk struggle Enjoy the sweetness of life but do not stop struggle, Fight on my dear self Do not entertain fear for fear is death. The world will frighten you but fight on, dear self fight on.............

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        First of all I dun believe in such things as dowry. i would never accept that from anyone and secon like Sunil said you should just start ur own life and i m sure, ur dad will help ya later on financially lol. don't wry about any other things :-j

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                        • #13
                          well....sunil...just one n last thing i wanna know.....

                          i remember in some forum u told that u love ur parents n u r a real momma's boy...
                          would u do the same thing that u r suggesting above?
                          {note:i do believe in Miya biwi raazi to kya karega kaazi; so i m not as such arguing with u...but just wanna know...}

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                          • #14
                            Renu I am my momma's boy... & I don't deny that fact....

                            Globally All female want their son to be their only... Mom is the one who have child in her for 9 month. She is first person who protect you from wild world.

                            Mom know very well what is good for his child

                            Renu every individual are different so every mother have different thinking as an individual human being...

                            I know my mother / Parent they will do everything what I like. They thought me to take any decision by being neutral by applying brain, they say don’t run as per your heart, they also taught me…. every time has its own requirement so take decision accordingly.

                            On this issue my mom also said what I had suggested is correct… & if you will read properly you will understand what i had suggest on this issue ..is word's of momma's boy

                            My mom said me your suggestion on this issue is suggestion of self dependent strong man.


                            I know my family member will not going to take any objection in matter of my marriage with any girl which I will like… & in case if they do so which is not possible, I will do the same what I had suggested on this forum.

                            Renu if Momma’s boy marry against the choice of their momma’s that never means they are not momma’s boy …. Once boy and gal marry parent don’t have any other option other than to accept them…

                            My mother is good enough to understand… if I explain any thing to her at that time she applies brain rather than heart …. She needs respect from me coz she loves me she doesn’t want to dominate me or to kill my ambition she know in my win her win is present... she had and she can sacrifice many thing for me. I know one day she will need some one to hold her hand to do all his day to day activity at that time I have to be at her side coz she will be like kid at that age.

                            When I was studying my Post –graduation in computer sciences at that time one day in night I said my mom... after completion of my study I will get job in some IT company they will send me out of India for work, I will have to work in other country and whenever you will die it may possible I will not be able to do or attain your funeral myself … at that time she had tear in her eyes coz I am the only son, my dad was also their … but I said my love respect for you never going to change I will try my best to do that …. But uncertainty is principle of life so you must prepare for that also …I said you want me to see at the top so be practical see other side of coin…
                            Ambition Sky is the limit and anyone death is not going to stop this world… But still I am my momma’s boy and no-one can replace her.

                            Renu I am the only grand son in family from mother and father side
                            My Maternal uncle don’t have any child
                            My other two uncle brother of my father doesn’t have any child
                            My fathers have only one son and that’s me yea do have much elder sister’s

                            I do have elder sister’s they can look my parent in better way than me. They are far better than today’s brother, their life also revolve around me...

                            They all want me to shine like sun. So I want to live and I want to shine like sun for them. I can’t be rotten egg… I must be the golden egg One thing more I want to say they are not rich but they are able to carry their livelihood by honesty… but I am rich because I can’t be an orphan.

                            Without getting job or working I was rich but my father & uncles were not…

                            I was unique…
                            I am unique...
                            & I will be unique…



                            Its me ...ek anda sonay ka & for this I give more credit to my mom than any one else.
                            Sunilkumar
                            Last edited by sunilkumar; 03-16-2006, 07:33 PM.
                            "Situation have way of changing Don’t expect help. Help yourself. The day you help yourself, it’s your First step to success."

                            Fight on my dear self, fight on. Life is a struggle, do not shirk struggle Enjoy the sweetness of life but do not stop struggle, Fight on my dear self Do not entertain fear for fear is death. The world will frighten you but fight on, dear self fight on.............

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              WOW! u wrote really fom ur heart!
                              i just flew the question with no personel feelings....but ....after reading ur reply....
                              well i do respect ur feelings that u have for ur parents n i guess everyone should have it,which i find it rare now a dayz.
                              With u the only son of the family ...u r real a 'sone ka anda'! may be somewhere of this notion u have taken up ur self the most resposible guy,which i verymuch appreciate!
                              no doubt ur answers in all forums carry a certain kinda maturity...i wonder ur age now?

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