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Old 10-25-2005, 03:55 AM
tina_punjabi tina_punjabi is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Default Parents Irritational---HELP

What do you when you have always obeyed your parents? I am 25 working towards my mba the oldest daughter with one younger brother whose smart n acts way tooo older than his age...I found my bf on because my parents wanted me to get an arranged marriage to someone in India. I am from the US and have lived here since the age of 7, so my parents and I agreed that was a half way point.

I fell in love with my boyfriend gradually he was and remains a compelete gentlemen from the first day I meet him. But my parents want me to dump him first the excuse was him and I don't match astrologically and I will have a horrible life with him...this was really shocking to me because overall I have never been told the importance nor cared for or ever believed astrological aspects of our culture. Although I respect it, I have personally never followed it. I love my parents but it hurts me sooo much that they do not care for my happiness and our basing things on his family is different, he won't fit into our family and plainly my dad has said, "if you care about MY happiness you'll stop talking to him." My bf is the same caste and religion as me.

Ironically, my father has asked we get engaged and has meet my bf several times (my bf has had dinner with my family). My bf lives in the east coast so we have a long distance relationship. He is working (manager), getting his mba and does real estate on the side. His parents love me. I cry some days and other days I'm happy I have always been a good daughter, but I love my bf and see him as my husband. I don't understand my parents views? Neither I nor my bf have disrespected my parents? My dad has said I will go meet his parents and shook my bf’s hand on it!? And now he says I want nothing to do with him nor do I care about his family. HELP.? I feel like at this point my dad just wants his way and for me to abide by his views.

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Old 10-26-2005, 06:42 PM
Shayri Shayri is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 19
Default It's your life!!!

Being an Indian girl living in a western country, I know all about the culture clash. I am all in favour of respecting your parents, and considering their happiness, but not at the cost of your own choices in life. Marriage is perhaps one of the most important decision we make in life, and contrary to Indian belief that marriage is between two families, I think it's more about two people. So though you might ask for your parents advice or opinion, the final decision should be yours. If you think your boyfriend is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, then this is what I think you should do:

First, sit down with your parents. Ask them, why do they not want you to marry your boyfriend? Tell them that if they expect you to consider their opinions, then they need to give you clear reasons, because you are an adult, and are not going to follow their decisions blindly.

Second, consider their reasons. If it's something like astrological, which you don't believe in, then say so. If it's something serious, then think about it.

But final choice is yours. You should get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with one man, not because it will make your Dad happy. But if you do decide to go through with the wedding, then you will need lots of guts to stand up to your family, so be prepared. Don't expect all beds of roses.
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Old 11-15-2005, 08:30 PM
sunilkumar's Avatar
sunilkumar sunilkumar is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hearts of my family and friend
Posts: 719

We should be very practical in our approach regarding marriage, tina dont go by heart in case of marriage. Marriage is always calculation when it is an arrange marriage, all parent want best for there childeren so if you trust your parent then there must be some thing they had thought about you.

Initially all love is very beautiful but when male and female live together and come accross the daily activity of each other at that time they come to know reality.

Fact is that marriage (arrange or love marriage) both in a long run becomes adjustment to stay with each other . ...
Before marriage you must know how much flexible you can be. & how much adjustment you can do?....

If you are meeting your boy friend daily and spending lot of time with him then you will know how he is .... most of time male and female try to impress each othere but after marriage .... they come to know the real devil of each other.
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