I'm embarrassed.
This should be common sense but for me I just can't seem to get it. I'm ashamed that it has come to this but maybe I can come out of this with a better understand for myself. I have a very big problem: I do not know how to make friends. I don't know why I am this way, and I'm done trying to figure out WHY. I only care about WHAT and HOW to fix this now.
I've always been alone since I can remember. I have never had a best friend and never trusted anyone. I don't know what it's like to have someone to turn to or talk to or love as a friend. For me, I don't know what friendship is. I place a wall around myself and often avoid people and shut them out. I feel comfortable this way yet I'm very lonely. I want friends so bad sometimes I cry about it. Sometimes I really like someone and they might like me back but I somehow always ruin it.
When I get to know someone they always have something "weird" about them. They're either too touchy feely (I don't like that) or they're too distant. There's always some hang-up and I want to give up. Plus I always get hurt it seems. I'm either backstabbed or I drive them away some how. I just can't make and keep friends. I
I've had people tell me I'm too nosey or I talk too much once they get to know me. It's ironic because I'm a quiet loner! Yet when I do find a potential friend, I become so excited I just overdo it. Perhaps I'm cursed. I've been labeled a dork and it hurts that I can't fit in. I feel uncomfortable overall around people, yet I wish for company.
I don't look particularly geeky and I don't act quirky ( I didn't think). I'm just a normal intelligent person who wants good QUALITY friends. Perhaps I could have had a "friend" long ago but to me a friend is so much more than just a person you know and call up on the phone. I'm a very loyal friend and I would want only the same. I want a true friend. I'm scared they don't exist.
I feel so alone. I wish I could make sense of it all. Can anyone give good advice and help me.
This should be common sense but for me I just can't seem to get it. I'm ashamed that it has come to this but maybe I can come out of this with a better understand for myself. I have a very big problem: I do not know how to make friends. I don't know why I am this way, and I'm done trying to figure out WHY. I only care about WHAT and HOW to fix this now.
I've always been alone since I can remember. I have never had a best friend and never trusted anyone. I don't know what it's like to have someone to turn to or talk to or love as a friend. For me, I don't know what friendship is. I place a wall around myself and often avoid people and shut them out. I feel comfortable this way yet I'm very lonely. I want friends so bad sometimes I cry about it. Sometimes I really like someone and they might like me back but I somehow always ruin it.
When I get to know someone they always have something "weird" about them. They're either too touchy feely (I don't like that) or they're too distant. There's always some hang-up and I want to give up. Plus I always get hurt it seems. I'm either backstabbed or I drive them away some how. I just can't make and keep friends. I
I've had people tell me I'm too nosey or I talk too much once they get to know me. It's ironic because I'm a quiet loner! Yet when I do find a potential friend, I become so excited I just overdo it. Perhaps I'm cursed. I've been labeled a dork and it hurts that I can't fit in. I feel uncomfortable overall around people, yet I wish for company.
I don't look particularly geeky and I don't act quirky ( I didn't think). I'm just a normal intelligent person who wants good QUALITY friends. Perhaps I could have had a "friend" long ago but to me a friend is so much more than just a person you know and call up on the phone. I'm a very loyal friend and I would want only the same. I want a true friend. I'm scared they don't exist.
I feel so alone. I wish I could make sense of it all. Can anyone give good advice and help me.
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